In need of a boyfriend!

Why did girls invent the whole "I need to have a crush" thing. I do have a crush actually. And I'm doing my best to get over him. But how the hell can I do that if he keeps on calling everyday to hang out? I just can't deal with this situation anymore! I'm done with guys, way too hard to get. And they say that us girls are complicated? hahah. Or maybe it's just me, I've never been that lucky in love. I'm not talking about hooking up with guys in general, I've had my fair share of random dudes. But once I like the guy, I become this weird insecure girl around him. I don't trust guys, the more I give to them, the more I let them see my inner self, the more I'm involved, the more they have the power to do whatever they want with me, and the more they're most likely to hurt me. So I protect myself, and I'm not gonna be with someone unless he shows that he really want to be with me, and proves it. I need a lot of affection. But then, if the guy wants me too bad, it's a major turn off. Complicated huh? WELCOME to my life peopleeee. I'm fucked up with guys, and I blame my dad. I love him but the way he left me and my mom after 25 years of marriage, well it definitly had some consequences. I feel like every guy around would never love me if they saw the real me, and would leave me cause they're gonna get tired of me at one point. I'm not sure you actually get what I'm saying? I'm really pessimistic here, i don't know why. My time of the month is coming too I guess :p

Love to all my readers, if there're some out there, S.

(btw GG, 90210, HIMYM came outtt! good watchin pepss)